webofculture.com
Language Puns.
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm
sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
3. Two boll weevils
grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a
famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never
amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser
of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos
sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it, too.
5. A three legged
dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and
announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear
about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted
to transcend dental medication.
7. A group of
chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't > stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
8. A woman has
twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in
Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her > husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Amal."
9. These friars were
behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop
to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God,
a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked
the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
> trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up
shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only
Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
10. And finally,
there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, in the
hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
