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| PURPOSE:
This exercise will help you define some important areas in which you want
to improve your communication with others. Below is a list of 30 scenes,
each of which could be handled in a number of ways. |
DIRECTIONS:
- As you read each description, try to imagine yourself in the situation.
Get a clear mental picture of the events. Picture who else is present.
See how they look, talk, and act. Visualize the setting in which the
conversation occurs: where it is, the time of day, the sounds you
hear and so on. Finally, imagine how you would respond in the scene:
how you would feel, move and speak. Even if you have never found yourself
in precisely the situation described, it's possible to imagine how
you probably would behave.
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- After taking a few moments to visualize a scene, indicate in the
space next to the statement how satisfied you feel about your probable
action, according to the following scale. After you have responded
to all 30 scenes, turn to the directions at the end of the exercise.
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| SCALE:
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| 5
= Completely satisfied with your probably action. |
| 4
= Generally, though not totally satisfied with the probably action. |
| 3
= About equally satisfied and dissatisfied with the probable action. |
| 2
= Generally, though not totally, dissatisfied with the probable action. |
| 1
= Totally dissatisfied with your probable action. |
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| 1. One
evening, you drop by a friend's house to find a party in progress. You
don't know anyone present except your host, who invites you to join the
group and then disappears. You have the time to spare and the guests look
interesting.
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| _____
2. You are taking a four-hour plane trip by yourself. You are seated next
to a person who seems friendly. This traveler strikes up a conversation
by asking where you are from.
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| _____
3. While eating with a friend in a restaurant, an employer, instructor,
or some other person whom you respect approaches your table and says hello.
This person seems to feel like talking briefly with you. He or she has
not met your companion.
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| _____
4. You are attending the annual Christmas party at the place where you
or someone you know works. Although you have very little in common with
the others, you do want to be sociable.
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| _____
5. A week ago, you noticed that an interesting-looking person moved into
a house down the street from yours. You would like to meet this person.
Now you are walking down the street and notice her or him coming toward
you.
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| _____
6. You are attending a series of lectures or meetings and notice several
people you would like to have for friends. You arrive at the room early
and find them in conversation. As you approach, they look up.
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| _____
7. A good friend shows you a painting he or she has just finished and
asks you for your honest opinion. You don't like the painting at all.
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| _____
8. While on vacation, you are taking a group lesson in a new sport (skiing,
rock climbing, etc.). After the instructor has lectured on the basic principles,
everyone in the group seems to have caught onto the idea and is anxious
to get started. You, however, are still confused about several points.
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| _____
9. A neighbor whom you have grown close to is moving to a distance city
and it is unlikely that you will see each other for a long time, if ever
again. You have never directly told this person how you feel about him
or her. You are spending a last social evening together.
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| _____
10. A friend compliments you on your appearance, The remark seems sincere.
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| _____
11. You recently had an argument with a friend. After thinking about it,
you realize that you were wrong and acted foolishly. You think you owe
the other person an apology.
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| _____
12. You have been feeling depressed lately, but haven't mentioned it to
anyone. Now a friend asks if anything is wrong.
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| _____
13. A close friend has seemed upset lately and you ask if anything is
wrong. He or she responds by demanding that you quit being so nosey and
mind your own business.
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| _____
14. Before going out for a social evening, you ask your companion for
an opinion of how you look. The other person replies, "If you really
want to know the truth, that outfit looks terrible," and begins to
elaborate on this remark.
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| _____
15. At your job or school, your teacher or boss reacts to your work by
commenting, "I know you could do better if you wanted to."
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| _____
16. You have been extremely busy lately. Now you run into an old acquaintance
who accuses you of not caring about your friends anymore.
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| _____
17. While engaged in apolitical discussion, your companion accuses you
of not knowing what you're talking about.
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| _____
18. You've just turned down a door-to-door solicitor who is selling magazines
for a cause you do not care to support. He or she responds to your refusal
by saying, "Don't you even care about the needy _______."
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| _____
19. For some time you have felt more and more distant from a previously
close friend or family member. You haven't mentioned this feeling yet,
hoping it would pass away. However, the feeling hasn't disappeared and
you see your close relationship dissolving.
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| _____
20. You made a dental appointment for 10:00 a.m., specifically telling
the receptionist that you have only an hour to spare and then you received
assurance that this would be enough time. However, you have now been in
the waiting room for 35 minutes. Several patients who arrived after you
have been ushered in for treatment.
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| _____
21. While attending a movie you are annoyed by loud talking from two people
seated near you.
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| _____
22. You have been waiting to be served in a crowded store. The clerk asks,
"Who's next?" A person who came in well after you says, "I
am."
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| _____
23. While at a party some guests begin making racial and ethnic comments
that offend you. The speakers are getting increasingly vocal, and although
you think other people must also be bothered, nobody has spoken out yet.
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| _____
24. Shortly after moving into a new neighborhood, you find that the people
next door are rock music fans. They play loud music four or five nights
a week until past midnight. The noise is interfering with your sleep.
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| _____
25. Several months ago, a neighbor borrowed one of your books, which he
or she now returned with several pages stained and torn. Now the same
person has asked to borrow tow of your favorite CDs.
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| _____
26. An acquaintance has invited you to his or her house twice for social
evenings and you did not enjoy yourself either time. Now the same person
has invited you to a party several weeks in advance "so you'll be
sure to keep the date free."
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| _____
27. Several friends have asked you to join them on a trip that will require
you missing one day of the semester or work. You know that you will have
to talk about this with your instructor or boss.
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| _____
28. You want to move several large, heavy pieces of furniture into your
house and need a neighbor's assistance. The job should take an hour or
two. The neighbor has offered before in a general way to lend a hand whenever
you need it.
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| _____
29. You are visiting a new city for a few days and want to make the most
of your trip by visiting spots tourists don't usually see. While in a
coffee shop you overheard two couples talking about a place you would
like to learn more about and possibly visit.
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| _____
30. You have been recently given a job that involves assigning work to
other people. Today is the first time you have to tell them what to do
and it's important that you get them to do the job well -- without sounding
bossy.
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EVALUATING YOUR ANSWERS TO THE ASSERTIVENESS INVENTORY*
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| *of
course this is not a true, scientific measure, take it with a grain of
salt. |
| add
the numbers together for each and put into the slot... |
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| Scores
of Questions: |
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| _____
Questions 1-6 = Conversation Skills |
| _____
Questions 7-12 = Expressing feelings and thoughts |
| _____
Questions 13-18 = Coping with criticism |
| _____
Questions 19-24 = Managing conflicts |
| _____
Questions 25-30 = Making requests and saying no |
| Total
of the above sections of questions for a total of:
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| Divide
the total by 30 for the overall score of:
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| * You
can use the results in two ways. By looking at each question, you can
see how satisfied you are with your behavior in that specific situation.
Thus, a response of 1 or 2 on any single questions is an obvious signal
that you can profit from working on asserting yourself in that type of
situation. |
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| * By
totaling your numerical responses for each of the five categories above,
you can gain an idea of how satisfied you are with your assertiveness
in that area. A score of 17 or below suggests that you should concentrate
on that area, while a total approaching 30 indicates a "no problem"
area. |
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| * Totaling
your responses for the entire test and dividing by 30 would give you an
indication of your overall satisfaction with your overall assertiveness,
but such a measure isn't very helpful in changing the way you communicate.
As you will shortly learn, most people are assertive in some situations
and unassertive in others. Since this is so, the way to change is to focus
on these specific situations or areas that need improvement, and to do
so one assertion at a time! |
| Describe
how you feel about your assertiveness skills in the box below:
*handout source unknown.
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