Romantic Relationships

n Voluntary relationships between unique individuals that the partners assume will be primary and continuing parts of their lives.

Dimensions of Romantic Love

n Passion

n Commitment

n Intimacy

Passion

n Passion – intensely positive feelings and desires for another person…it is not equivalent to sexual or sensual emotions, although these are types of passion…it can include intense emotional, spiritual and intellectual attraction.

Commitment

n An intention to remain with a relationship. It is not the same as love.

Intimacy

n Feelings of closeness, connection and tenderness. It seems to underlie both passion and commitment. It is related to passion because both dimension s involve feelings. The link between intimacy and commitment is connectedness.

n It is abiding affections and warm feelings for another person. It helps us feel comfortanble.

Styles of Love

n Primary Styles

– Eros (a powerful passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically)

– Storge (comfortable, even-keeled love based on friendship)

– Ludus (playful love)

Secondary styles of Love

n Pragma (pragmatic or practical love)

n Mainia (passion of eros but the play of ludic rules)

n Agape (blend of storge and eros. From St. Paul’s notion that we need to love others without expectation of personal gain.

Do you have a...

n Liking relationship (characterized by intimacy only).

n Infatuation (when you have passion only).

n Empty Love (only commitment)

n Complete or Consummate Love when you have

– intimacy, passion and commitment!

Is your relationship a...

n Passion Cluster

– Consists of fascination, exclusiveness and sexual desire

n Caring Cluster

– giving the utmost and serving as the lover’s champion or advocate

n Or a combination of both.

The Organization of Romantic Relationships

n Growth stages

– Individuals

– Invitational Explorational

– Intensifying Revising

– Intimate Bonding

n Stages of Deterioration

– Breakdown phase (dissatisfaction)

– Intrapsychic (brood privately about your dissatisfaction-- later you may share this)

– Dyadic phase (discuss problems with your partner and perhaps try to correct them)

– Social phase (share this with others in your attempts to get out of the relationship)

– Grave dressing stage (relive the relationship usually making yourself look the best)

Key Terms

n Environmental Spoiling (354)

n Relational Culture (357)

Marital Types (page 364)

n Vital Marriage

n Total Marriage

n Passive-Congenial Marriage

n Devitalized Marriages

n Conflict-Habituated Marriage

Family Life Cycle

n Establishing a Family

n Enlarging a Family

n Developing a Family

n Encouraging Independence

n Launching Children

n Post-launching of Children

n Retirement

Consider…

n What do you want most in a romantic relationship?

– What do the opposite sex want most?

n What is your favorite pick-up line to use?

– What is a man’s/woman’s favorite line?

– What is the most obnoxious one you have heard?

n What style of love does your gender seek most?

– The opposite gender?

n What type of marriage does your gender seek most?

– The opposite gender?

Is your relationship declining?

What Strategies of Disengagement Are You Using?

n Positive Tone

– “I really care for you a great deal but I am not ready for such an intense relationship”

n Negative Identity Management

– Blame the other person for the break-up, absolve yourself…”If only you were…”

n Justification

– To give reasons for the breakup, “I am going away for 2 years anyway, there’s no point to dating now.”

What Strategies of Disengagement Are You Using?

n Behavioral De-Escalation

– Reduce the intensity of the relationship through your behavior, less time together, avoid phone calls, etc.

n De-escalation

– Reduce the exclusivity

– “I’m just not ready for so exclusive a relationship. I think that we should see other people.”

If Declining, are You…

n Communication Patterns in Relationship Deterioration

– Withdrawal

– Decline in Self-Disclosure

– Deception

– Evaluative Behaviors (negatively criticizing rather than positively)

– See page 327 to identify where you are on this chart.

Are You Maintaining?

n Preventative Care

– Being nice

– Communicating

– Being open

– Sharing activities

n Maintenance

– Attraction

– Rewards

– Equitable

n Repair and Corrective Care

Have you been repairing? (pages 342+)

n Recognize the problem

n Engage in productive conflict resolution/maintenance

n Pose possible solutions

n Affirm each other

n Integrate solutions into
normal behavior

n Risk

Conflict Resolution/Maintenance

n Define the Conflict

n Examine Possible Solutions

– Brainstorm individually and as a couple

– Avoid win-lose

n Test the Solution

n Evaluate the Solution

n Accept or Reject the Solution